The 16 year-old Winnie,
Hey, can't remember you wrote this letter huh? Well, maybe you do.
Let's talk about your boyfriend, Winnie, how is he? I hope you're not still going out with him, I bet he has gone with some other girls and acted like he'd miss you a lot when he left. If that happened, I guess there was a long while when you were sad like your computer was going to burn out itself, but I guess it turned out just fine. Did you miss school? If you did, congratulations, that's your first time, I bet you didn't enjoy it. It feels bad to escape from your responsibility, you've known it since this world was built, and since you still did it, you deserved the bad.
Don't be frustrated to be single, that's what you've been enjoying, remember? Having a date is not suitable for you; look at me, suffering with your ex darling. Nonetheless you have got one thing to thank him : that he taught you not to give guys what they want; when they want to buy you something, get whatever you like. To which you did completely opposite. Like your mum always says about your father : If I don't spend his money, he's going to spend it in another way for himself, so why shouldn't I get what I want? You've got the greatest mother, think how good I'd have been if you had learned from her.
How's school, Winnie? Doing good like always? Or did some jerks kick you out of the game? Go get them, it'll be fun to watch your competitors ruin their lives, give it a try. Like Ms. Lovelace said to you, "Don't let little things bring you down, you know how good you can be and the others just can't." You and I both hope that she's right...... I mean if you and I work hard enough, that'd come true! I need you to get As and the best in English again by the end of the year, you can't fail this time, you can't.
How are friends, Winnie? Have they sell you out yet? Oh, or has Haylie stolen your ex Mr. Darling? You know how you're jealous inside, deep in the little part of your heart. You're jealous, aren't you? HA! How can't you? The guy whom you wanted to make happy, who held you in his arms while anther girl came up to his mind, the more ironic thing is, you knew what he was actually thinking. And the broken-hearted Winnie could still be the good friend of Haylie, thought that she was innocent. Yes, she was, she didn't like him, then why did she lie to you about the little things? If she's not with him now, you'll be accusing yourself, "how I foolish I was, she's a friend I've known for 13 years, I can trust her." That's the same thing you've been saying to yourself since one year ago, girl.
I bet you're trusting Matt and Daniel, like usual. Be sure to pray to the man above and hope they're okay, especially for Matt.
Take care of the shit that comes in the middle of your way, the road will be yours, smooth and clear.
I hope you're reading this letter the day right after your birthday, 13 March, 2011, because one year ago you met your boyfriend, probably your ex boyfriend by then. Have another fresh start, Winnie.
Love,
The 15 year-old Winnie
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Sunday, 27 June 2010
Regret 28-6-2010
I'm going to break up with my boyfriend, once when my school starts after summer holiday; I'll stop spending so much time on him, no more phone calls, then our love will fade away.
I love him. I have to take care of my studying as well.
I regret it. I'm not talking about what I've done with him, or to love him, it's about how I've screwed up my life.
My last English paper came back today--Writing. Such a disaster. How could it happen? She got it by only one point. One point. One little point. One small number, that makes her marks higher than mine.
Who am I to blame? I brought things to this point with my own hands.
If I had refused dating him, I wouldn't have been in this situation. If I had practised writing more, I wouldn't have written so much wrong English.
I can't bear myself to be an imbecile.
Girl, laugh at me, laugh your lungs out. I don't mind you to insult me. Because this is the only chance you've got.
Studying is more important undoubtly, I know it, I've never taken this out of my head for one second. Then why did I make a wrong dicision? Haven knows. From now on, back to my own way, back to the life I belong to. No more fun, no more...... it takes too much.
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Ms. Rose's Class 26-6-2010
A normal Saturday, the sky was gloomy, it had been raining since I opened my eyes. I don't like things that are wet, but it's always hot and wet in summer; such an unbearable place. Nevertheless, I can just endure it.
The last 2 lessons of Ms Rose's class, I needed to go, I couldn't miss it, it's so important to me. Ms. Rose is important, what she teaches is important, to learn how she talks is important, to understand her sense of humour is important. What I'm learning isn't material at all, like, it's not Grammar, not vocabulary, not making sentences, but something else. She makes me feel more natural when I write; I act what she says secretly without actually thinking about it. She's amazing, it's a shame that she's retired now. I wish I could be her student when she was still in my school, I wish I got in 3 years earlier before she's retired. It'd bring a great change, I believe.
I went back home after the class, I didn't plan to go out today.
Something funny happened yesterday night -- a boy who I had liked long time ago called me. It was January when I met him. I had liked him a lot; I had been talking to him for 2 weeks, every single day; he had brought me a lot of joy. But then he estranged me, though I thought maybe that was because he realized how I felt about him; yet he said it was because he got a job. I didn't believe him, but I knew it was no use to force a guy. So I quit. I admit I think about him once a while and I did try to call him lately, but I'm still faithful to my boyfriend. And things are different now; I don't feel the same about him anymore.
Anyway, he called, and he asked me if I was free the next day, he wanted to hang out, I said it was okay. I told my boyfriend about it, and he had a strong reaction: he didn't want me to go, as he thought that guy wasn't a good person. He didn't want me to get hurt or being stolen from somebody. He was anxious and a bit angry, but he tried to pretend he wasn't, that was cute, very cute to me. "Now you belong to me, I don't want anyone to steal you away." I'll remember what he said, it was one of the best things I've heard.
And so, I stayed home today. I took a long nap, it was so comfortable and relaxing just to lie on bed and thinking nothing. It had been a while that I didn't have a moment for myself. My life was always full of work, revisions and phone calls. Finally, a silent nap and day.
I cleaned up my desk at night, it wasn't an easy job, my desk was such a war zone, there were all books and papers, dust and ashes. I wanted to do it long time ago, and I ended this horrible mission tonight, for one and a half hour. Now it's neat and tidy, a good place to think and write.
I'm going to read and write for the rest of the night. A silent, quiet night that I've been seeking since long time ago.
The last 2 lessons of Ms Rose's class, I needed to go, I couldn't miss it, it's so important to me. Ms. Rose is important, what she teaches is important, to learn how she talks is important, to understand her sense of humour is important. What I'm learning isn't material at all, like, it's not Grammar, not vocabulary, not making sentences, but something else. She makes me feel more natural when I write; I act what she says secretly without actually thinking about it. She's amazing, it's a shame that she's retired now. I wish I could be her student when she was still in my school, I wish I got in 3 years earlier before she's retired. It'd bring a great change, I believe.
I went back home after the class, I didn't plan to go out today.
Something funny happened yesterday night -- a boy who I had liked long time ago called me. It was January when I met him. I had liked him a lot; I had been talking to him for 2 weeks, every single day; he had brought me a lot of joy. But then he estranged me, though I thought maybe that was because he realized how I felt about him; yet he said it was because he got a job. I didn't believe him, but I knew it was no use to force a guy. So I quit. I admit I think about him once a while and I did try to call him lately, but I'm still faithful to my boyfriend. And things are different now; I don't feel the same about him anymore.
Anyway, he called, and he asked me if I was free the next day, he wanted to hang out, I said it was okay. I told my boyfriend about it, and he had a strong reaction: he didn't want me to go, as he thought that guy wasn't a good person. He didn't want me to get hurt or being stolen from somebody. He was anxious and a bit angry, but he tried to pretend he wasn't, that was cute, very cute to me. "Now you belong to me, I don't want anyone to steal you away." I'll remember what he said, it was one of the best things I've heard.
And so, I stayed home today. I took a long nap, it was so comfortable and relaxing just to lie on bed and thinking nothing. It had been a while that I didn't have a moment for myself. My life was always full of work, revisions and phone calls. Finally, a silent nap and day.
I cleaned up my desk at night, it wasn't an easy job, my desk was such a war zone, there were all books and papers, dust and ashes. I wanted to do it long time ago, and I ended this horrible mission tonight, for one and a half hour. Now it's neat and tidy, a good place to think and write.
I'm going to read and write for the rest of the night. A silent, quiet night that I've been seeking since long time ago.
Friday, 25 June 2010
Final Exam Result 25-6-2010
I got my final exam papers today, here are the results :
English Reading and Grammar : 99/100
English Writing : unknown yet
English Listening : 73/74
English Oral : 19/20
Chinese Reading : 64.5/100
Chinese Writing : unknown yet
Chinese Listening : 74/100
Chinese Oral : 90/100
Liberal Studies : 86/100
Maths : 81/100
Chinese History : 73/100
Science : 72/100
Well these numbers look nice, but not good enough.
The English papers were kindergarten level, 99 wasn't worth anything. In fact, many people were close to me, which shouldn't have happened. I know I've dropped my grade but I am still the best in my form, no one should be close. The paper was insulting. Why should the teachers make the paper easy just to let them pass? Exams are challenges. It should be the hardest paper, otherwise there are no differences between us, which is totally unfair. Specially to me and other good students. Why can't you just let them fail and make them realize they're losers? I detest to be ordinary.
I admit I got advantage from the sympathy that other teachers gave, all the exams weren't as hard as they should be. But still, I insist to make exams difficult, because I know deep inside that the more difficult challenges bring the clearer differences. No matter how bad I am in other subjects, I still get advantage, because I listen, and I study, unlike other losers who give up themselves. Teachers, they don't deserve your sympathy, you're only bringing us down, and we are not interested to be one of them. We have brains, if they don't, just treat them like pets like what you're doing, but treat us like human being, stop insulting us.
The second reason I feel bad is because the marks that should be good didn't come out like it should be. I should have done better in Chinese and Chinese History. And since my boyfriend cares my Chinese History result a lot, I feel even worse. He finished school, and when he was studying, he got really impressive result in History, that's why he wants me to do well, that's the only subject he cares but I let him down. And I think I might have let my Chinese teacher down, she has always been nice to me, and I swear I'm not that bad, but it's too late to say anything now. I hate letting people down.
Surprisingly, Maths and Liberal Studies came out well. I never did that well in Maths, I can always pass but only encircling between 60-75. I'm always active during Liberal Studies lessons, teacher said I got an attitude on politics... well what I see is I'm too subjective, but whatever... She said it because almost no one gives her response. It was astonishing anyways, 86, cool!
The goods came out more than the bads, yet I still feel bad, it kind of make me feel like a failure. Actually what I've been doing lately has already made me a failure.
English Reading and Grammar : 99/100
English Writing : unknown yet
English Listening : 73/74
English Oral : 19/20
Chinese Reading : 64.5/100
Chinese Writing : unknown yet
Chinese Listening : 74/100
Chinese Oral : 90/100
Liberal Studies : 86/100
Maths : 81/100
Chinese History : 73/100
Science : 72/100
Well these numbers look nice, but not good enough.
The English papers were kindergarten level, 99 wasn't worth anything. In fact, many people were close to me, which shouldn't have happened. I know I've dropped my grade but I am still the best in my form, no one should be close. The paper was insulting. Why should the teachers make the paper easy just to let them pass? Exams are challenges. It should be the hardest paper, otherwise there are no differences between us, which is totally unfair. Specially to me and other good students. Why can't you just let them fail and make them realize they're losers? I detest to be ordinary.
I admit I got advantage from the sympathy that other teachers gave, all the exams weren't as hard as they should be. But still, I insist to make exams difficult, because I know deep inside that the more difficult challenges bring the clearer differences. No matter how bad I am in other subjects, I still get advantage, because I listen, and I study, unlike other losers who give up themselves. Teachers, they don't deserve your sympathy, you're only bringing us down, and we are not interested to be one of them. We have brains, if they don't, just treat them like pets like what you're doing, but treat us like human being, stop insulting us.
The second reason I feel bad is because the marks that should be good didn't come out like it should be. I should have done better in Chinese and Chinese History. And since my boyfriend cares my Chinese History result a lot, I feel even worse. He finished school, and when he was studying, he got really impressive result in History, that's why he wants me to do well, that's the only subject he cares but I let him down. And I think I might have let my Chinese teacher down, she has always been nice to me, and I swear I'm not that bad, but it's too late to say anything now. I hate letting people down.
Surprisingly, Maths and Liberal Studies came out well. I never did that well in Maths, I can always pass but only encircling between 60-75. I'm always active during Liberal Studies lessons, teacher said I got an attitude on politics... well what I see is I'm too subjective, but whatever... She said it because almost no one gives her response. It was astonishing anyways, 86, cool!
The goods came out more than the bads, yet I still feel bad, it kind of make me feel like a failure. Actually what I've been doing lately has already made me a failure.
Introduction 25-6-2010
It is 25 June,2010, the day that this blog was born.
I created another blog called "Fall Again", I once did pretty well there. I wrote on it everyday back then, but somehow I abandoned it. Maybe my life was getting too fascinating, that I couldn't remember how well the blog and I got along. It felt like writing on my blog wasn't important anymore, I didn't need it, I could do better without it.
If what I thought was right, then I wouldn't be here and making another blog.
I started writing on my blog 2-3 years ago, first I wanted to train my English, then I was in love with it since it had so much fun writing in this little world. However, a while ago, I changed my mind.
The fact is, I relied on my blog, I've lost the ability to write without it.
I wouldn't write in the old blog anymore, because I've changed, and my English has been worse than ever, I wouldn't allow myself to tarnish it. Like the blog title says, "New Life".
I created another blog called "Fall Again", I once did pretty well there. I wrote on it everyday back then, but somehow I abandoned it. Maybe my life was getting too fascinating, that I couldn't remember how well the blog and I got along. It felt like writing on my blog wasn't important anymore, I didn't need it, I could do better without it.
If what I thought was right, then I wouldn't be here and making another blog.
I started writing on my blog 2-3 years ago, first I wanted to train my English, then I was in love with it since it had so much fun writing in this little world. However, a while ago, I changed my mind.
The fact is, I relied on my blog, I've lost the ability to write without it.
I wouldn't write in the old blog anymore, because I've changed, and my English has been worse than ever, I wouldn't allow myself to tarnish it. Like the blog title says, "New Life".
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